Friday, January 21, 2011
what am i doing? my life after A's has been pretty messed up. sleeping late, waking up late, and now, sleeping late, waking up early. worst still, i'm holding on to 3 jobs. on top of that i would have to plan my driving lessons soon if i pass my basic theory test.. and and, i need time to enjoy myself. oh and not to mention, new year clothes! oh man. i have not even bought much. only a top. aww man. sucks ttm.
and lastly, will god please grant me a miracle? i admit i may seem greedy, but, after so long. after so so long. of times i liked somemore so so so long, when did i ever become really happy for a long time? all were short lived. and they were toturous. my heart wont be able to take it much longer. i want to give up, but.. but.. i really cant seem to do it. why? why do i fall so deep?
1:00 AM ; smile?
Thursday, January 20, 2011
what do people do during the times they just want to cry out. just want to let things off. just want to say things that are not supposed to be said. what do they do? please, tell me. i really need to know. i dont know what i'm thinking, doing, and even how to live on.
1:40 AM ; smile?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
why? why do i try so hard? it impossible.
the craziness continues. whats with the mood swing. wth wth wth wth wth wth!
wtf. fml.
1:54 AM ; smile?
my legs are breaking!! haha. working at MOF is tough. yup. tough. wahaha. but then again, its fun in a way.. hahahaa! alright then bedtime! tmr there's work again.. but seriously, the 9 hrs of work, including one hr plus of 'fa zhan' outside giving out flyers is gonna break my legs. my legs are... like. oww?! really. pain. i envy jo and glo now though.. there are like sitting down calling ppl, while i'm standing, running about. nice. anyways, really, time to sleep..
and lastly, rebecca ng! if u continue to think and think and think those nonsense, u will, number
1! get knocked down by a car while walking
2! get scolded by michelle or any other MOF staff for daydreaming
3! i will kill u
4! see u in hell.
wahahaha. this is rebecca gone crazy. tatatatatata! =D
1:10 AM ; smile?
Saturday, January 01, 2011
dearest friends, happy new year! what are your resolutions? here's mine:
1. to be more confident
2. to really know what i want
3. to be more decisive
4. stop saying sorry too many times to luomin
5. to be my real actual self, not the quiet, shy rebecca everyone thinks i am.
6. to lose weight! (through exercise and proper meals, not the stupid eating little bit way)
7. get a bf. (er.. just random.)
well, this is all i can think of. may update it again if i think of more. sayonara then~!
12:32 AM ; smile?
here's the first post of 2011. while i sip my glass of red wine, here's what the past year has been like.
the start of 2010 was frightful. i was afraid of the upcoming block tests, afraid of the stress of facing studies as well as the preparation of CO concert. many things happened. things changed, friends changed, i changed, and also. feelings took a drastic change. some of u may know what i mean, some of u dont. well, things are things.
so, as time past, block test was cleared badly, concert was cleared with a huge huge relief, and stepped down once and for all from CO. what can i say then? i was really really she bu de to leave. after all, it was CO which allowed me a place in NYJC, allowed me to know my class, allowed me to have wonderful friends.
and so, we mugged. mugged for midyrs, mock prelims, prelims, mock a's and lastly, the big big A levels. the journey was, say, tiring, stressful, fearful, sad, anguish, frustrated... well, the list goes on. many of us broke down. many of us fell. yet, thanks to all our wonderful friends, we got up. we struggled hard. we got on out feet. and we moved on. and then, soon, A's was over.
the process of A's was something i will find it hard to forget. i started my serious studying only abt one week before A levels. heading to the public library everyday, staying there from 10am to 8pm. productivity was better than if i were to stay home as there were lots of construction works near home. so yea, each day just passed. each night was bad. i was really scared, stressed, tensed up and upset. for no reason, i'll just cry. i just needed to cry. with doors closed, i hid under my table and cried. tears flowed down my cheeks. i couldnt stop them. thankfully, during A's i calmed down a little. not being so bad as before. what hi me worst was chem papers. i cried real hard. something i couldnt control at all. after the paper. i broke down. cried really hard like no one's business. a few hours. from sch to home till i had to force myself to study for bio paper. it was really a tough tough time. it sucked. alot. well, other papers, werent as bad as chem. econs was pretty screwed up though. i just pray i got the answers right.
and then slack days. played, outings, birthdays. it seemed alot. but most days i'm just rotting at home. well rot! haha. used to it. and yea, prom. dressed up all prettily (not really, hehe) but yea, many pretty ladies and handsome guys. stunning. woo~ then everyone slowly went overseas, i rotted in front of com, playing audition and lately, started mapling. well, its something to do when i'm bored. fun? definitely bored. this holiday has been like, rot for one week or more, then suddenly go out for consecutive days, tiring! but, at least i'm out of home.
christmas eve! was boring. christmas! was also boring. didnt have plans, so rotted in front of the com, chatted on msn, played games, stayed up late. well, most of the nights i stayed up to 3 plus 4 plus? lets just say there's too much on my mind such that i really couldnt sleep. and lets say crying to sleep doesnt work on me too. well, too bad. this is rebecca and here weird problems. oh yea, one thing weird about rebecca is that she desperately wanting to lose weight, but she's desperately binging on fattening foods. whats wrong with her? she doesnt really know it actually. and worst, she's becoming alcoholic. yea still drinking that glass of red wine by the way.
new year eve! which just passed, was pretty much okay i guess.. went shopping in the morn bought 2 shirts with the meagre amount of 20bucks mum gave. still have to withdraw cash for eating. oh man. i spent hundreds of dollars already. i am so god damn broke. my tuition pay isnt helping much with the spendings. econs! output > input. sigh.
wells, its the new year~! so yea, new beginnings, new starts, new life, new goals, new resolutions. well see those resolutions in my next post! this has been a really long post. haha.
12:11 AM ; smile?
