Saturday, April 30, 2011
and pfft. i forgot what i wanted to post just now. alrights.
today! woke up at 8am, met luomin at 0915am, collect my passport, had brunch, went to take aura pic. and wow! the aura pic thingy super super zhun, in a way luh. haha. but quite accurate eh. dont believe me can ask luomin. hahaha. luomin likes my aura colours. cool eh? =) i dont have scanner so cant scan and put it up here.. lol.. then we went shopping! bought a new jacket and a keychain! =D haha. i'm starting to splurge already. OHMY. then we went to eat J.Co yogurt ice cream, then mehh awhile, went toilet, then luomin go dhoby for job interview and me off to supposedly driving lesson, but was too early so i decided to go mof meh first. and yay! i succeeded in not ordering anything today! lol!
driving lesson! OMG! super super super duper heavy rain!!!! half the journey up to woodlands my instructor had to control the steering for me. wahh.. after 24 days of not driving, it has to rain so heavily. it was flooded! can feel the car tyres almost half in water sia. zai. drove super slowly. at the circuit. sibei sian. too long never drive alr.. my parking starting to cmi.. shit! die die die. how to pass the next test like that!? and i made lot of mistakes that could cause accident. immediate failure! die. fail! D= another $156.96? NOOOO!
BBQ! waaaaah. full. haha. quite fun, quite cool too. drank baileys and wine. shhh.. my mum doesnt know. hehe if she knew i think i'll get scolded. wahaha. whatever. i dont care. as long as i dont faint outside can already.
12:30 AM ; smile?
2 cups of bailey plus half cup of wine. a little gong dai-ish. shall sleep soon.
12:24 AM ; smile?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
too bored already. shall blog again.
went to bed at 3am.. lay down for a while, couldnt fall asleep.. then, i finally fell asleep. suddenly, there was a loud ringing sound and i open my eyes and saw my mum sort of 'jumped up'. half asleep i was like shocked and asked what happen? but i think my words came out in a mumble so i got no reply.. in the end, her jumping up was to off the ringing alarm clock. i thought it was fire alarm la! scared me like mad. LOL. it was 5plus sia.. nice way to give me a shock. after that, i fell back asleep, then woke up suddenly again.. the sky was all bright alr, shocked once again i check my phone. 8.18am. CHEH. scare myself for nothing.. thought i overslept for work.. plopped back to sleep. then.. 8.30am! my mum started shouting at my bro to wake up.. waaaaaaaaah. i wanna sleeep! lol.. so my 6hrs of sleep got cut short by alot alot.. to dont know how much. haha. sadded.
work! wah lau. just stepped into mof only got 3 uncles walk in, sat down, one of them started setting up his laptop. lights still off, chairs turned facing outwards, banner pulled across. only one staff in sight. "are u opened yet?" hello? see for urself? any customers, no. any kitchen staff, no. how possibly will a cafe, with one staff hearing her ipod, be open? wah lau. how dumb can some ppl get? i told the person say not opened yet, then asked if its poss to come back later. he say he alr set up everything, then only 20min left to 11am let him stay la. wah lan. then i told him i may get scolded by my manager he say dont want to get me into trouble. dont want get me ito trouble then leave la! still tell me so much in the end still sit there dont want move. kena sai. then i just continue open the shop lo. sian ttm. 3 person take up 2 tables. get in the way quite ma fan. tsk. then richmond came and like give me the 'why got ppl sitting there look' i shrugged and explain to him what happened. he say he dont allow customers to sit inside when not open.. -.-
working at mof gave me alot of experiences with lots of qian bian customers.. got one time got this bitch auntie ask me whats nice. then seeing her plus i lazy to explain so much to her i straightaway write down her item number then ask her to go cashier pay. then i walk over to cashier, key in her order wait for her to come over. she still sit there read menu, so i thought she gonna order more. so i wait wait wait. in the end, she closed the menu and sit there and wait. so i went out i said to her politely : '对不起，你要先到柜台还钱.' then i went back to cashier. she slow slow walk over, then wah piang. start scolding me. say: '你们的服务很差leh. 东西还没看到就要还钱.' wtf? like that called poor service? then i replied her again nicely: '对不起，可是我们这里是这样的。blah blah blah.. trying to explain to her. then u know what she said? '检讨一下hor!' she said it so snobbishly la! see alr wah seh i tulan alr. but bo bian sia. i just '好会的.' and force smile. then she still repeat: '检讨检讨hor.' knnbccb la! scold me for what. stupid. its mof management right. not me right. tamade. just cant stand customers sometimes.
rawr! whats with customers i meet at mof these few days? every day i work sure will have one get on my nerves one. no matter how crappy they are, how unreasonable they are, we still have to smile and answer them nice nice. this is the pain of working in f&b. working at subway last time was also like that. stupid!
9:02 PM ; smile?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
been thinking quite alot lately. and came to a conclusion: i should stop being so pessimistic.
always look on the bright side of life~
and so, life has to go on. time will pass and things will change. there's still lots of time. i hope.
and i dont need to worry about having not much money left till my next pay comes in.. went ntuc to get some groceries for mum and bro.. and my mum doesnt want to let me claim.. and hence, my money in the bank is below the amount i wanted to keep it at, so forget it. i'll just spend...
it seems as though my feelings are clearer now. thinking alot does help..
9:59 PM ; smile?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
these few days are all the same, work, work, work and work. once off day is whole day have things on.. waiting for the day i can slack the whole day at home. this week no chance.. maybe next week? haha. hope so.. and and.. dang it. i left $20plus to spend until i get my pay. hopefully i get back my $19 from my mum so i can have more to spend. esp when fri i going out with luomin in the afternoon before my driving lesson and bbq at night. good game. better start spending lesser on food. lol. thats all i spend on anyway.. 0.O
some pictures!
giant pikachu i saw at iluma rooftop!
my brunch for today!
drinking session with luomin: before
during
the end
everyday, its the same things all over again. getting 'bullied' all day.. well rebecca, time to get used to ur life. whatever, i shall be other people's entertainment. after all, it brings joy to them. so it doesnt matter.
11:51 PM ; smile?
Saturday, April 23, 2011
got a bad headache. dont know whats the cause of it.. hopefully is not because ytd at 3am i gulped down one glass of baileys then went to sleep.. remember waking up in the middle of the night feeling giddy-ish, then fell back asleep.. but then woke up at 0930 feeling perfectly alright.. only around 2plus-3 then started having the headache.. so is it the alcohol or its just that i'm too tired?
1:06 AM ; smile?
Thursday, April 21, 2011
i have changed. alot. its something good, but can be bad too. so, just thinking abt it over and over and over.
i feel tired. i dont know why. lack of sleep? not really. sleeping too late? doubt so. after all i've gotten used to it already. so why oh why am i so tired?
and this came to mind:
throughout these 18 years plus of living, have i ever been happy for just a short while?
i rmb the times when i was younger, i was always the odd one out. how to say? i have to elder brothers who always left me out when they play. i have cousins who have sisters who are closer to each other and to the other cousins but not to me. everytime limin is alone. everytime limin joins the fun only when some adult notices and tries to get others to play with me.
then there's primary school. p1-p3 was in mayflower. i got bullied in school, i got made fun of, i only had few gd friends who helped me. then p4-p6 i changed to aitong. i got bullied even worse. name calling, kicking me out of project group so suddenly. thank god i got saved by others. and thats how i met my best friend luomin in pri 4. then it was just the usual hellish days where i got bullied everyday. crying became a daily routine for me.
then moving on to secondary school. me and luomin went to diff schools cos my mum wanted me to go somewhere nearer. which was just a 5min walk away. so luomin to amkss and me to phs. sec 1. the usual bullying, name calling. somehow i still cant get used to it and just cried. then there was this female classmate who always beats me. example: yo! *bam on my back* ouch? another example: one classmate says: A! rebecca 'bully' me! *bam* nice. then sec 2 i joined tkd. wow. A didnt dare whack me anymore. instead, after awhile she joined tkd too. whoo. but still, no more whacking from her. haha. but then after so many years of bullying, i got sick and tired. and thats when i developed a bad temper. could tell that not much ppl liked my temper. so once again.. lived through sec sch with bullying and stuff. i could go to school for one week and not talk at all. trust me. it did happen.
jc. i changed my short temperedness, i became friendlier, i started giving in to ppl. i just controlled my temper just didnt want myself to be shunned by ppl like what happened in sec sch. but then, ppl took things for granted. actually, its only someone. but then again, so many things happened and so once again i changed. i didnt talk much, i didnt show much expression, i just kept quiet. even my teacher said that suddenly i just lost confidence in myself. failing tests, failing as a friend, failing as a sister, failing as a daughter. all these failures took me down one by one. changing of clique from 3 guys 2 girls to just 4 girls. totally new clique. we had our share of fun till things took for a turn and i'm left stuck in the middle of two split roads. one way to a place where i seem invisible, the other to a place where i dont fit in. and then, theres a reverse way which is too late to do so. then i stayed stuck there, not knowing what to do. then ppl tell me: rebecca, u every poor thing eh. rebecca, u so pitiful eh. rebecca, hen ke lian eh. then they asked me to join them. i appeared happy. i cheered up. but u know how i felt inside? i'm just someone who is pitied. not a friend. i put on a fake smile, i tried blending in to a clique that dont know me well and i dont know them well. they talk among themsleves, i dunno how to join their conversation. and so i became termed as antisocial. how nice is this?
so now i wonder. out of so many friends i made, who are really my friends? people turn to me only when they can find no one else. all i know that one true friend i have is luomin.
what is happiness, i know i said i given up finding happiness, but still, deep inside, i want to be happy. even if its not now, maybe perhaps in the future?
rebecca doesnt want to be pitied. rebecca doesnt want to be a spare tyre.
rebecca wants people to be happy. at least rebecca can entertain ppl by becoming: a joke to them.
12:27 AM ; smile?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
sigh. its only tuesday and i already busted my $30 budget.. $4plus on ice cafe mocha ytd, $5.30 on starbucks, $16.50 on ice skating, $6plus on kfc, $6 on arcade, $3.80 on gelato today. that totals to.... well, i need not count. all i need to know is that i busted my budget. lol. well, so all i can say is heck this week and carry out the plans next week instead which would most probably fail, cos there's a class bbq and maybe an outing next week. shucks.
went to ica website wanna book appt to collect my passport on thurs and fml, appt full. kena sai. wah lau duno when else got time go collect alr. sibei sian.
i'm very easily irritated now and i hate this feeling gaahh. my bro was damn -.- just now. came to my room, see that i packing my room, he still asked this question: packing room ah?..... i didnt bother saying anything just used my hand to gesture him to go away. lol..
12:22 AM ; smile?
Monday, April 18, 2011
trying a new lifestyle:
-walk to work if i work opening
-walk home from work if not raining
-budget of 30bucks a week
-stop snacking at night
-drink only once a month
-sleep early
-update myself with current affairs
well, may be hard to adapt too.. to start things off, i gotta wake up at 9am tmr.. so gotta go off and try to overcome the mochaccino effects and sleeeep. full shift tmr somemore. 0.0
ciaos
2:32 AM ; smile?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
i wish i'm on a rollercoaster ride now, so that i can shout like nobody's business, scream as though i'm really really scared. but actually, i just want to vent.
or perhaps to be alone at home, with doors all closed, windows all shut and me singing out at the top of my lungs. just once again, to vent.
or perhaps, to lean on a shoulder and just keep crying.
2:00 AM ; smile?
Saturday, April 16, 2011
like a rollercoaster, life's full of twist and turns, sudden acceleration, little bit of slowing down, sudden dropping the lowest point and rising up again but never reaching the highest peak again. ups and downs, left and rights, upside downs.. this is how messy and overpowering life is. sometimes, u are too tired to continue screaming out ur frustrations, sometimes u are just too caught up with screaming that u forgot to breathe. or sometimes, u just cant scream or breathe cos its just too suffocating. but one thing about this ride, it will never ever stop until we die.
12:37 AM ; smile?
everyone has been telling me the same thing. its better if i open up more to others and not be so quiet. good friends, normal friends, even friends who arent close at all.. they all say the same thing.
but in fact, i'm too afraid to open up. opening up to others would mean i will speak freely whatever that comes to my mind first. i would just be my siao self. this sounds okay to most people.. like its okay to be just myself.. but then, i'm scared. i'm afraid that i will say wrong things, i'm afraid i would accidentally offend someone.. i'm just too afraid. i'm afraid of how i may offend people causing them to be unhappy and like bu shuang with me.. and by that time, no matter how guilty i feel, it would be too late to take back my words.. and i'll just go by each day thinking if the person is still unhappy. and each day, there will be fear, sadness and alot of emo-ness going on in my mind. and no matter how much i apologise, it doesnt seem enough to me. i still feel guilty and upset with myself. and i hate it alot.
isnt it funny how much can the moods of others can affect me? i'm just too too weird..
feeling like a piece of fat shit now.. received email from ntu saying i didnt get the scholarship. plus, i think i upsetted someone just now. emotions? guilty towards that someone, sad abt the scholarship, pissed off at myself and sick and tired of my stupid character.
12:17 AM ; smile?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
headache! got to try and sleep already..
well, heres an apology to someone:
sorry, its not ur fault. blame myself for drinking the coffee. u didnt force me to do so, suo yi bu guan ni de shi.
lol. i'm becoming crappier each day. super mehh.
2:48 AM ; smile?
a really really nice way to fa xie is singing karaoke! woohoo. honestly, i sang 4 times with friends but this is the first time i actually sang out loud in karaoke into the mic.. total shuangness. hehe. went to sing with luomin, ty, zy and mick at teoheng! we were all late! haha. supposed to sing at 6pm. then mick reached at 630pm, me, luomin and ty reached at around 650pm, and zy at around 7pm? not sure also.. haha. then we started off with emo songs and was like super emo kind of songs! lol.. then suddenly got lian ai-ing, high daoooo~ hahaha. then back to emo songs again. but the mood was highh.. cool. =)
and, i got pissed off by my cousin today.. tutoring him is seriously like sai. haven even on hr pass he alr ask if ending alr. kena sai. then after that he say dont go through alr, just give hmwk. whuuuutttt. might as well i dont tutor him let him everyday do assessment book, his mama mark for him.. that was what i did when i was his age.. but his mama want me tutor him. i didnt want to accept the tuition fee cos i felt that i wasnt really teaching him that well and like not really worth their money.. but my aunty ying ying sai the money to me. SIGH.
after tuition, headed to macs for lunner with luomin.. lol... for her it was dinner, but for me it was lunch plus dinner.. then for some super concentrated coffee plus ice cream at mof.. and thats why even though i feel tired now, i'm wide awake.. -.- like whuuuuttt.
alright then, shall get some laughs now! haha visit this site and laugh ur ass off if u are feeling emo-ish, bored, angry, or whatever la. haha. www.damnyouautocorrect.com
i realised, i'm no longer the rebecca i used to be. is it a good thing? or not? hmm =/ or perhaps this is who i really am right now. whatever i guess, i'll just smile and laugh all the way. after all, it would be better this way..
12:32 AM ; smile?
Monday, April 11, 2011
the horrible week has finally passed. like finally?
luck hasnt been on my side. well, the week was pretty tiring and fucked up rushing here and there, walking all over ntu and nus, getting a horrible blister which is up till now still bleeding. o.o and screwing up interviews. feeling pretty demoralised and sad alr.. then came the big big big hit. driving test. crank course, s course and parallel parking were my better courses when i learnt them.. and what happen? crank course strike kerb. i gan chiong alr. parallel parking hit kerb again. even more gan chiong. then s course, mount kerb. my soul like flew out of my mouth. wah lao.. fail lo. felt super super super lousy. then , went back home locked myself in the room and cried. bro came in at like pat me on the head like some kid. -.- yea he just wanna cheer his crying sis up. lol. owe him a huge thank you.. brought me out for lunch with his friend then bought koi, then i headed off to work..
work! mood got better, got koi to drink. then then then. D= wo de koi diao zai di shang. my mood straightaway drop to the lowest point. its like, someone treats u something to cheer u up.. but after only drinking 2 mouthfuls, its all gone. like poof. just felt super super sad and then my tears just came out again. =( well, thankfully (lol again), i have nice colleagues who are nice friends who made my mood better.. so by the end of work i was feeling okay again.. oh ya, my fam came to eat mof, lol.. i almost toppled ice lemon tea on my dad! hahaha. super funny. then me and my da ge gave my er ge his ipod nano.. woohoo $114 each sia.. my pay like use up alot liao. mostly used up on giving my mum, bro's bdae present and cab fare to ntu..
thennn it was stayover-cum-drinking-and-my-parents-dunno-that-we-are-gonna-drink- session at my hse with luomin! haha. had 4 bottles of breezer, gave one to my bro, and both of us shared 3. even before drinking i cui-ed on my bed.. cried too much in the day liao. siaaan.. after drinking, we high.. lol like siaoo. but we werent drunk or tipsy or anything.. i just felt so lousy inside i wanna like.. how to say, laugh it off? but awhile later i went to sleep cos i was super tired alr.. and my eyes were swollen cos of the aircon. sucks right. cold air allergy... particularly to my room's aircon cos theres quite alot of dust too... ughh.
the next day, saturday, went breakfast with my parents, er ge and luomin at amk central.. by the time we ate finish was only 0937am! walked around with luomin drinking sugarcane, lol.. then go mof mehh. then i go toilet, luomin help me buy breakfast then go work loo.. then luomin go home.. started work was like mehh.. my eyes couldnt really open properly cos it was still a little swollen and i was still half dead.. then i made mistake in cashier and become emoshit again. i like so wth lo. small thing happen i emo. like -.- rebecca so useless. so just like that sat ended.. not say end la.. still had my ah ma's bdae dinner.. and by the end of it.. i just 'faint' in the car on the way to the restaurant and at my ah ma hse after the dinner.. haha.
sunday! woke up late, skip tuition, go breakfast, go nus, essay test, waited like a gong kia for 40mins plus for my neighbour who in the end was waiting at the entrance and god knows which entrance. no calls to my phone, no answers from my neighbour's mum phone. and worse of all, i had to rush to work at 6pm. so i angrily stomped out of nus, went back home.. around sembawang there started raining like siao liao.. reach yck, no rain but dark clouds, hurriedly walked home, halfway lightning, thunder, super scary.. so ran all the way back.. by then alr heavy heavy rain. lucky i have jacket to cover my head also.. then go back home, chomped on 2 muffins, changed and mum drove me to work.. dropped me off at macs there, ran in.. woohoo.. flooded! till above my ankles! i just ran in w/o umbrella. so wet from head to toe, i went to mof. and they all thought i just bathed! haha. cos my hair was let down and wet.. lol... shoes wet wet and soggy (ewww) i started work.. quite sian lo work.. got some customers damn -.- got one customer try act bimbo with me.. told zs abt it he say: where got bimbo.. bimbo is pretty one lo.. LOL!? haha. but seriously.. the person was -.- ask me take order i explain its self ordering and how to do it. both her friends said okay. she said: u help me write, i dont know how eh. i was like stun la. then i just uhh and stone there abit and look at the order pad.. then her friend said nvm they will write themselves. then after that when i serve them their drinks.. got 3 drinks. so i put the drinks down first.. havent even put the second cup down she ask: can i have straw? like whuuuuut???? like i wont give her straw like that. c'mon! trying to act also must act smart right? -.-
and so.. just like that lo.. the week passed with so many sad, frustrating, disappointing, and a teensy weensy bit of happy things happening. all i can say is, i'm glad this fucked up week has finally ended!
12:06 AM ; smile?
Monday, April 04, 2011
a new week begins. and a very hectic one indeed. [updated.lol!]
monday:
call doc quek's wife in the morn
work 1500-2230
tuesday:
driving lesson 0815
reach nus at 1600
met luomin~
wednesday:
work 1030-1800
go ahma hse till 11pm plus (played mahjong! =D)
thursday:
driving lesson 0815
reach ntu at 1330 for interview plus some talk
go phsco!
dinner with family! cancelled.
emo at the swings with luomin~
friday:
driving lesson 0815
practical test 1050
go best denki help bro see ipods
work 1800-2230
luomin comes over to stay! plus drinking session! x)
saturday:
work 1030-1700
ahma's bdae dinner
sunday:
tuition 0900-1100
reach nus at 1330
dad leaves for airport at 2pm plus [ i cant send him off =( ]
work 1800-2230
sad! ah ma bdae dinner on sat clashes with full moon which is bu ji li. so have to change and i cant go at all! unless someone at work willing to take my shift. doubt its possible though. =(( so.. i'll just buy ah ma an ice cream cake one day then.. =(
and all my free time will go to preparing for interviews(hunting all over my room for documents that i need), marking my cousin's tuition work, setting a test paper for him, and also catch up on sleep as much as possible if not i will be in a super bad shape for my important interviews and my driving test. which would be a super bad thing. and there are a few dinners here and there too.. just that the dates are not confirmed. big big super super huge huge SIGH. cant wait for this week to get by super uber quickly.
and so, i bid thee farewell, may not be able to blog for a while till everything settles down. well, not that there are (m)any reader(s). ciaos.
1:08 AM ; smile?
Sunday, April 03, 2011
thank god i'm not working today! why? you may ask.. my body's aching like nuts now. and its all because of the huge birthday cake i was carrying around amk ytd. whoaaa. been a long long time since i had muscle aches.. to think again, work's tiring and stuff but it doesnt give me bad muscle aches after carrying the cake for like alomost 20-30min? i duno. but it was whooaaa.. carrying the cake and walking around can make me sweat like how i mopped the floor on thurs night. so kua zhang right? or maybe i'm just weak.
well then, today's a day where i'm gona slack. i feel like getting out of the house though. i'm so bored at home. and i dont feel like studying for the interview too. yeah, i'm just lazy. but i really wanna get out of the house. should i? i'm supposed to pack my room though. but with this muscle ache, i dont think i can.
my bro suggested i take a one week break from work to rest cos my cough isnt getting any better and my throat's starting to bleed too... coughing out blood everyday.. i wonder if i can do that.. i dont feel like though. cos i'll be so so bored one week not doing anything. maybe i'll just take a continuous 2-3day break next week. since i may be going to universal studios too.. hmm. but then again.. =/ shld i go? well, i dont know.
i'm just a fool to get my hopes high. i just a fool whom which doesnt know what to do anymore. and i'm a fool who isnt gonna give up when she should just because it will disappoint others and i'll just be a fool who isnt happy at all. this is the fool i am.
11:49 AM ; smile?
giant pikachu i saw at iluma rooftop!
my brunch for today!
drinking session with luomin: before
the end 
