Tuesday, December 31, 2013
nope my resolutions aren't ready yet but this is a sum up of my 2013.
yr 2 sem 2 ended in may, after which i continued with special semster. year 2 ended so quickly and hecticly, i didnt even realise that im a year 3 already. 1.5 yrs later it will be byebye nus, hello ntu. my CAP was on a plummage since year 1 sem 2, so i managed to pull in back up by just that little bit, but there's much room for improvement. i gotta buck up more in studies.
after the semesters ended, i had my teaching attachment program. well oh well, being in school as a teacher is really different from being a student. you get to see the politics, you get to hear stories, and you get to see how it feels to control a whole class. damn scary! haha but im sure i will get better in it for now im still a noob uni student. haha.
finally, everything ended, and i have my break. but it was no break.. catching up with friends, packing up my room, prepping for my 21st birthday... oh, im 21 already? how time flies. everything was busy busy busy. but happy. =)
and soon, i was on the plane heading towards hong kong! was pretty excited at the beginning, but slowly things changed. i've learnt that people change when put into different environment. its difficult to adapt to their new behaviour, and also to accept it, so much so, i became very depressed. but i started to realise that i cannot live my life letting people affect me so much, so i put things down, i pushed things aside, i changed my priorities, and so i think it may have affected the friendship. but either way, at least my friend is still happy, and im happier instead of being so depressed. to my friend, im sorry that i showed my unhappiness so many times, but its something i have actually tolerated for quite awhile before i exploded. so, i hope there's no hard feelings. with that, hope u really enjoyed hk after i left!
back in sg, i went out quite frequently. xmas gathering at my cousin's house, movie outing with my younger cousins, outing with my jc friends, and now, new year's eve. many things have happened in 2013. i dont know if i have grown up from them, or i am still the same. for now, i believe that i did grow, even if its just a teensy weenie bit. at the same time, i have also realised alot alot alot of things. things that i kept pushing away because i refused to believe it was the case. but then, today on new year's eve, i have confirmed that it has been like that all along. nothing i do can change anything. nothing i say can be heard. nothing i say will make things better. and lastly, there is actually nothing i can do but to not let myself be so affected by other people.
2014, i will live for myself too. i will live happily too.
9:21 PM ; smile?
Saturday, December 28, 2013
okay, i have been back in sg for almost a week now. if i didnt change my flight, i would probably be back in hk, worrying about how the hell am i gonna pack all of my things into my luggage and bringing them back alone. but oh wells, here i am in sg, in my own room, typing away =)
spent xmas in sg. it would have been a different experience overseas, but i missed home way too much. haha. being back with the family and stuff. being able to play with my little cousins.. all the fun =) although sometimes.. there will be unhappy stuff. but hey, we are a family right?
in about 2 weeks time, its back to school again! back to nus. man oh man, time for serious studying.. sigh. next sem will be a pure science sem with me taking 3 chem mods, 1 phy and 1 life science mod. god bless me. hahaha. hm, or maybe im gonna appeal to moe instead.. see if i can take one lesser life science mod! hehe.
2013 is coming to an end. resolutions for this year didnt really come true i guess? work harder for 2014! next post will probably feature my new year resolutions! for now, im looking forward to going back to nus tkd in 14hrs time!
12:29 AM ; smile?
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Nope, thats not the way rebecca. You know yourself. You get angry, you get upset, but no, you dont become upright mean to anyone.
I am who i was. I am who i am.
12:16 AM ; smile?
Sunday, December 08, 2013
In exactly 2 weeks from now, i'll be back at home. Yes, home. The place that i have not stepped into for the past 14 weeks. And in 14 days, its home sweet home baby.
Being on exchange here certainly has it ups and down. It is fun, I cant deny, but I'm not exactly happy in here. Given a choice, i probably wouldnt do it again. Its tough here. I am a person who treasures my family alot. I love being around them. Even if they upset me sometimes, hey dude, we are a family. We dont fall out. So word of advice, if you are a person who cant stand being apart from your family, dont go on exchange. Unless you are rich enough to fly back home regularly.
But no matter how much I wanted to return to singapore, I got to stay. The schedule just didnt really allow me to fly back. Exams, assignments, blah blah blah. Just hits you. Suck up and stay. You will go home eventually anyway right? At the same time, being away from my family so long, I have slowly gotten used to it. Its time to be independent. Look, the floor is dirty, clean it. Hey, Im out of clothes, do the laundry. Oh, its time for lunch/dinner, go cook something. It is just steps to learn how to do everything myself so that next time, when I have my own family and house of my own, I can do all those with a breeze.
Whats most needed besides my family, are great friends here in this faraway place. I came here with 2 friends, I am going back with many friends. We all differ in our tastes, our styles, our lives, but we still can have fun and chill out together. I am thankful to be able to make such great friends here. Definitely looking forward to meeting them back in singapore again!
Personally, I am still me after this exchange. Just that, perhaps I have got to do things the meaner way. When something pisses me off, I am always like okay I am so angry, but then again, I complain to others, then let it go. But nothing is solved. Why? Cos that something that pisses me off, repeats. Over. Over. And over again. Perhaps its something so minor that isnt worth any time to become really mad at. But imagine, you got a scratch on your hand, already bleeding and something is jabbing slowly and painfully again and again and again. Wouldnt it get worse? That aside, I am still looking for a way to shield that scratch from the jabs because I cannot push the jabbing thing away. I respect the fact that others are doing things that they thing are perfectly fine and alright because this is what they grew up with. I didnt grow up with it, I wont grow into it, but I wont condemn it completely even if its really a pain in the neck. For now, its do unto others what want others to do unto you. Whatever way I felt I was being treated, its the same way back. I am sick and tired of giving in.
7:12 PM ; smile?
