well, reality's starting to hit me. just that my results were far beyond my expectations.. i didnt mention this yet to ppl, but in the short 3hrs sleep i had the day before the results, i dreamt that i got only a AAC. and C was math.. the other results i couldnt really rmb.. in my dream my reaction was: wah lau maths C eh! wah lau.. no disappointment, no nothing.
so it was the day of the results. woke up for driving lesson. usually on normal days i will wake up at 750 to 8am and chiong for lesson which starts at 815am. that day, i woke up at 730. and slowly took my time to prepare to go out, packing my bag with clothes to change out of to go school. during the lesson, i was super quiet, just did wat my instructor told me to do, and a few times, exceeding the speed limit. driving at 80kmh instead of 70kmh. so lesson ended, then off to work. my feeling were still a little calm and anxious so i just listened to my ipod and slowly opened the cafe. then when just nice everything opened, my mum called me. saying my dad was anxious abt the results etc etc, that point, i broke. tears just welled up in my eyes and i cried. thank god i was alone at the gelato area. so the few hrs of work was hell, holding back my tears.. then my bro sms-ed. 'i want to hear good news.' it was tremendous stress and pressure for me. with all the high high high expectations, i feel like i was gonna get crushed.
so with tears still in my eyes, i had my lunch (no appetite was left unfinished), then headed off in the rain to nanyang jc. walked it crowded, noisy, my heart was thumping. met up with luominm talked, had a friend hug. then went to find my classmates. so the reveal of results. i was really really scared. till the point i saw my name on the screen till the time i left the school, everything was blurry and felt so so unreal. rebecca ng. i can vaguely remember my name being called up to stage. i was just stunned.
so this is what it feels to achieve beyond my own expectations. unreal. so this is what it feels to live up to other's expectations. unhappy? i duno. i just dont feel that happy. ppl are congratulating me, my parents are happy. me? i just not that happy. just feel that studying to make others happy, just isnt happy for me. cos i didnt study for myself.
well, that's that. so yea. rebecca ng has achieved beyond her expectations and lived up to other's expectations.
