So, the tournament I have been training hard for has ended. Yes, I walked away with a bronze medal, but no, I didnt win at all. It was a default bronze medal. I feel really upset with my performance. I wasn't focused enough. I was't calm enough. I wasn't thinking enough. Those caused my downfall. Not focused, I landed poorly and sprained my left ankle. Not calm, I was afraid to kick hard in fear of pain that would deplete my stamina and strength. Not thinking enough, I did kicks targetting my opponents head when I had never trained in doing that for the past months. And so, I missed all the kicks and depleted my energy even more.
Honestly speaking, I cried after the match. Probably they saw me lying on the floor with my cap over my face sleeping. Perhaps they knew, perhaps they didnt. But I was there trying to hold back my tears which were flowing out. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to look like a sore loser. I didn't want people to put their hands around me to omfort me. That, will just make me burst out in tears and those tears will take a long time to stop.
Through these months, training was hard and I dreaded them. Yet, at the same time, I looked forward to them. I knew the trainings were helping me. I knew the trainings helped me. I felt myself becoming better. I am happy, But, I didn't become good enough. I could have done better. I didn't push myself hard enough. But saying all these now, a little too late right? So my resolve now is to train harder and harder. Not for the sake of competition, not for the sake of winning. But for the sake of improving myself, for the sake of proving to myself that I, Rebecca Ng, can do better. Perhaps I will improve, perhaps I will fail. But no matter what, I will persevere on. A learning point from here. A learning journey to unfold.
But first, let my two sprained ankles recover first la. hahaha.
